Nonverbal communication: learn to "read" your colleagues

93% of communication is said to be nonverbal. What does your body, your attitude, your gaze convey during an exchange? We are all constantly communicating information about who we are and what we are. Can we control this flow of information? And how do we read others?

The anecdote is real: when asked about his most memorable memories, famous French host Michel Drucker explained that receiving Céline Dion for a world premiere exclusive interview after the global success of her album “D’eux” (1995) was one of the greatest prides of his career. However, this moment was somewhat ruined by his mother’s comment after he called her post-show. When he asked how she thought he performed and if he asked interesting questions, she replied that she didn’t know, adding: “I wondered throughout the interview who advised you to choose that tie that didn’t suit you at all, my son.”

What is nonverbal communication?

Nonverbal communication (NVC) is often defined as the set of attitudes that can be observed when someone expresses themselves. While this definition is not incorrect, it is incomplete. NVC goes far beyond this idea.

It can be defined as “the entire set of communication means that do not involve words.” This includes gestures, facial expressions, posture, body movements, eye contact, physical distance between people, tone of voice, and even physical appearance or odors.

In short: it encompasses all the information a person provides to another without speaking.

Nonverbal communication includes:

• Facial expressions: smiles, frowns, winks, etc.
• Gestures: movements of the hands and arms, such as pointing, waving, or giving a thumbs-up.
• Posture: the way a person stands or sits.
• Proxemics or use of space: the closer we are to someone, the more we know them physically.
• Eye contact: frequency, duration of gaze, intensity.
• Appearance: clothing, hairstyle, and other aspects of personal presentation.
• Body language: body movements like nodding, swaying on their feet, etc.
• Touch: handshakes, pats on the shoulder, hugs convey a lot about a personality. (Donald Trump for example doesn’t shake hands with his interlocutors; he tries to crush them to show he is in charge.)

Paraverbal communication refers to everything related to how the words are said, rather than the words themselves. It includes:

• Tone: the pitch of the voice, which can express emotions such as anger, joy, or sadness.
• Volume: sound intensity often indicates emotion or the importance of what is being said.
• Rhythm and speed: how quickly words are pronounced, which can indicate excitement, impatience, or nervousness.
• Intonation: variation in pitch during sentences, influencing the meaning and interpretation of words.
• Pauses and silences: the use of silent moments, which can emphasize importance, show hesitation, or allow for reflection.
• Emphasis: stressing certain words to modify their meaning or importance.

5 Tips for reading your colleagues

Have you ever dreamed of reading other people’s thoughts? Well, that superpower remains in the realm of fantasy, but we all have the ability to read a little of what others tell us about themselves.

Reading a colleague’s nonverbal communication requires paying attention to various aspects of their behavior, expressions, and gestures. Here are some tips for better interpreting nonverbal communication in a professional environment:

1. Observe facial expressions

• Smiles: Is the smile genuine? If so, generally, small lines form around the eyes (smile lines). A frozen smile may indicate an attempt to mask embarrassment or annoyance.
• Eye contact: Maintaining eye contact may indicate interest and honesty, while a wandering gaze can signify nervousness, distraction, or a lack of interest.

2. Analyze the body

• Open or closed posture: an open posture (arms open, relaxed position) often indicates confidence and receptiveness. A closed posture (arms crossed, body hunched) may signify defensiveness, reserve, or discomfort.
• Body position: If your colleague is facing you, it may show interest and engagement. If they turn away or frequently shift their position, it may indicate the opposite.

3. Detect gestures:
   • Hand gestures: Expressive and open gestures may show enthusiasm and engagement, while minimal or hidden gestures may indicate reserve or anxiety.
   • Repetitive gestures: Playing with objects, tapping feet, or other repetitive movements may be signs of nervousness or impatience.
4. Listen to paralanguage:
   • Tone and volume of voice: A warm tone and moderate volume suggest ease and sincerity, while a monotone voice or very low or high volume may indicate a lack of confidence, boredom, or stress.
   • Rhythm and speed: Rapid speech can signal nervousness or excitement, while slow speech may indicate reflection or fatigue.
5. Observe proxemics:
   • The distance a colleague maintains can reveal their level of comfort. Getting closer may indicate a willingness to collaborate or trust, while maintaining distance may suggest a desire to uphold professional boundaries.

Always remember to pay attention to the context in which you “read” your colleague, and avoid drawing conclusions from a single gesture or isolated expression. For example, they may be unwell, or their mind may be elsewhere due to a personal life event.

Nonverbal communication is also cultural

Some people work in multicultural environments where different nationalities, backgrounds, and religions coexist. It is important to clarify that part of nonverbal communication is cultural. What is considered acceptable in one culture may be entirely forbidden or misinterpreted in another.

Here are some examples illustrating different interpretations across cultures:

• Yes: In some cultures, nodding means “yes,” while in others, like Bulgaria and Greece, it may mean “no.”
• Thumbs up: This gesture is commonly used to express approval in Western countries, but it can be offensive in some Middle Eastern and South Asian cultures.
• Smile: In some Asian cultures, a smile is sometimes used to mask embarrassment or discomfort.
• Eye contact: Prolonged eye contact may be seen as rude or aggressive in Asia. In some sub-Saharan countries, looking a superior in the eye for more than a few seconds (director, teacher…) is frowned upon.
• Proxemics: Accepted personal distance varies greatly. In Latin America and Mediterranean countries, people tend to stand closer to each other than in North American and Northern European cultures. During the Covid crisis, a joke circulated in Finland: “The government asks us to maintain a distance of 1.5 meters. But why does the government want us to get closer?”
• Body position: Sitting cross-legged or showing the soles of the feet can be considered disrespectful in some Middle Eastern and Asian cultures.
• Tone and volume of voice: In Italy and many Arab countries, speaking loudly and expressively is often normal and expected. In contrast, Japanese and Nordic cultures prefer a calmer and more measured tone.
• Silence: In some Asian cultures, silence is an integral part of communication and may signify reflection or respect. In Western cultures, prolonged silence may be perceived as discomfort or disapproval.
• Physical contact: Latin and Arab cultures may be more tactile, with hugs and pats on the back among friends and colleagues. In contrast, in Japan and Korea, physical contact is often avoided in public.

How to adapt to others’ nonverbal cues?

Learning to read others is one thing, but once you’ve perceived all this information, what do you do with it? The likely answer is to adapt to the other person’s nonverbal cues. Why? Because it strengthens the relationship and fosters greater interpersonal understanding.

1. The mirroring effect

The idea is to subtly imitate the posture and gestures of the other person. Pay attention to their tone, rhythm, and volume of voice. If they speak softly and slowly, adjust your voice similarly. This is a mark of empathy that will unconsciously create a connection with the other, which many of us apply unconsciously. Of course, do not exaggerate the mirroring to avoid appearing mocking or condescending.

2. Active listening

Show that you are actively listening to what is being said with nods, murmurs of approval, or smiles. Also, respect the other person’s speech by not interrupting; why not slightly raise your hands or tilt your head to encourage them to continue expressing themselves?  Also, respond to nonverbal cues with appropriate responses, such as offering a comforting smile if the other seems sad.  If the situation allows and it is culturally appropriate, a light touch on the shoulder or a handshake can enhance the connection. Be attentive to the other person’s reaction to judge whether the contact is welcome.

3. Nonverbal feedback

Adjust your own body language based on the other person’s reactions. If your interlocutor seems uncomfortable, change your posture or distance.  A striking example in the workplace is the morning greeting. Some extend their hands, others give a polite wave without contact, some suggest a high-five, and there are those who enjoy giving kisses, which not everyone likes. This is where nonverbal communication can be decoded and adjusted. And when in doubt, just ask.

4. Open body language

Adopt an open posture (avoid crossing arms or legs) to encourage more open and friendly communication and orient your body toward the person to show your engagement and interest in the conversation.

5. Use of space

Adjust the distance between you and your interlocutor based on their comfort level. For example, move closer if they seem relaxed and open, or step back if they appear tense.

In conclusion, when discussing nonverbal communication and decoding others, do not forget your own nonverbal cues. Keep in mind: ensure your verbal communication aligns with your nonverbal communication.

Microexpressions 

We state in the thematic article that nonverbal communication is also cultural. This is false regarding what are called microexpressions. We tell you more on our blog!

Do you remember the successful American series “Lie to Me”? It follows the daily life of Dr. Cal Lightman, a psychologist expert in detecting lies through the analysis of “micro-expressions,” who sells his team’s services to the U.S. government to help solve investigations.

Microexpressions are brief and involuntary facial expressions that the human face expresses according to experienced emotions. These expressions are universal and express joy, anger, disgust, fear, contempt, sadness, and surprise…

Spotting manipulators 

Using nonverbal cues can also help uncover manipulators. Generally, manipulators use the same techniques. Here are 4 that should act as “red flags.”

1. When they talk to you, they touch you. Often, they place their hand on yours, your elbow, or your shoulder. The message is that they are taking charge. From time to time, they briefly touch you again to create connection.
2. When they talk to you, they maintain a rather fixed gaze. They want to know if they are “winning you over” and convincing you.
3. When they talk to you, they deliberately enter your space — your bubble. The goal is to create an intimate bond.
4. When they talk to you, they lean toward you and speak softly to convey a sense of complicity.

THE FIGURE: 1872 

That’s the year Charles Darwin first mentioned the significance of nonverbal communication. He hypothesized the universality of emotions.