How to manage employees’ personal issues?

Listen without judging and act together 

We sometimes refer to “personal psychological distress” or “personal well-being issues” to describe the difficult moments that some employees experience. These moments are not related to work, but they nonetheless bring them to the office. It is important to learn how to detect employees in distress because the impact can be real on the company. It is also essential to address the issue directly, while never forgetting that a manager is neither a friend nor a therapist.

The reasons that may lead an employee to carry a virtual backpack of personal problems to work are numerous. There is, of course, the stress of daily life with its mental load (shopping, children, family obligations…). There are also romantic lives that sometimes collide. It’s hard to concentrate when the person we love is making personal accusations or after a breakup. There is also the stream of anxiety-inducing news coming across our screens.

We would all like to be able to drop off these small (or sometimes large) virtual backpacks upon arriving at work. But that’s not possible. We have to “deal with it.” Just like the company, which sees this as a major issue.

Learning to detect troubled employees

“One of my employees lost a good fifteen kilos in a month at the beginning of the year. I first thought he must have started intense physical training. But after talking to his colleagues, I learned that he had just been left by his partner for one of their friends. A cliché as old as it is unbearable. He was in great distress. In fact, during our discussion, he confessed he had been unable to eat normally for weeks. I had completely overlooked what he was going through,” confides Céline, a manager at a digital agency.

When you are a manager or HR professional, the often hectic daily schedule does not always allow you to “see” that some of your employees are going through a more complicated time. This is especially true since difficulties do not manifest the same way in everyone.

Yet some symptoms can alert us. 

• One of the very first is physical change. An excessive weight gain or loss, for example. Neglecting personal appearance or hygiene can suggest that the employee is letting themselves go.
• Another alert? Mistakes that are now occurring in their work that didn’t happen before: calendar oversights, carelessly sent emails, incomplete reports…
• A third alarm: absences. Regular and repeated absences convey a deep malaise.
• Lastly, behavioral changes can also be a warning sign. Isolating oneself at lunchtime, becoming extroverted when one was not before, arriving too early to work (or being consistently late), excessive and unjustified overtime.

How to approach the problem? 

The boundary between the need to know what’s happening and intruding into someone’s personal life can sometimes be thin. It is also not easy to find the right words or the right moment.

Here are some elements to consider:

• Like Céline, the first approach could be to discuss with colleagues who are close to the employee.
• Clearly remind everyone that the objective is not for you to know what is happening in their personal life but rather to ensure the well-being of your employee.
• Offer (without imposing) an individual meeting with the employee so they can, if they wish, express what they are feeling.
• The idea is not just to hear your employee but to listen to them so they know that the organization they are part of takes their situation into account.

Empathy without judgment

During the meeting, the conversation must never be intrusive. For example, it’s often more comfortable for someone to hear:

• “Is something wrong?” rather than “I see that something’s wrong.”
• “Would you like to talk about it?” rather than “We need to talk.” … Consent to share personal life is essential.

The key term here is empathy. This means not only the ability to put oneself in another’s shoes but also to help them. All of this should happen without any judgment.

It is also essential to remember that HR or managers are not friends or therapists. Empathy and listening occur strictly within the work context so that work itself is not affected. Therefore, it is crucial to remind the employee that the discussion is to find solutions within the organization, but that for matters of a personal nature, you are not the right person to talk to. Setting a boundary also clarifies to certain employees, who might be tempted to suddenly see you as a close friend to confide in, that you are not that person.

Finally, it is important to reiterate that empathy does not mean taking on someone else’s problems. A manager should not project themselves into the role of their employee and decide for them by bringing ready-made solutions.

Practical help 

A good question to ask an employee in difficulty is: “How can I help you?”

They might then express what they expect from the organization and bring forward suggestions that will allow them to better manage their personal situation at work.

As a manager or HR leader, you have the opportunity to implement certain measures:

• A schedule adjustment;
• A reduction in working hours;
• A reduction in certain workloads;
• An increase in online work or, on the contrary, in-person work;
• A referral to internal resources (occupational doctor, psychologist…);
• A referral to external resources such as a listening professional;
• In more serious cases, helping the employee by encouraging them to initiate a process towards an appropriate service (social assistance, police…);
• …

All these measures should be taken in an exceptional and transitional state. They are implemented while the employee is on the mend and can, on their side, address what needs to be resolved. This contract must be clear between the company and the employee.

Demonstrating to the distressed individual that they are not alone also helps to show all employees that the company is not just a place of performance and numbers. It is also an opportunity for managers and HR to focus on another essential aspect of management: prevention. We know that the risks of absenteeism are not solely related to health issues. Supporting employees in personal distress is also an effective way to prevent longer absences.

Professional advice: regular check-ins

When asked about the subject by the Harvard Business Review, Linda Hill, professor at Harvard Business School and author of Being the Boss, offers another valuable piece of advice: “Check in regularly to see how your employee is doing.”

She suggests regularly (but reasonably) asking the troubled employee if they are doing well or if they are feeling better. This can take place through a stop by their office or via email. She also advises against forcing the conversation, simply reaching out to show that the connection you’ve established is sincere and maintained. She suggests leaving the door open, saying, “Feel free to come by if needed.”

Source: https://hbr.org/2018/07/how-to-manage-an-employee-whos-having-a-personal-crisis 

Bosses have problems too… 

It’s not just employees who encounter family problems. A few years ago, a study made significant headlines in the United States. Titled “My Family Made Me Do It,” this study reveals that family issues often take a mental and emotional toll on supervisors, a phenomenon known as ego depletion, leading them to project their frustrations onto employees. Amy Colbert, co-author and professor of management and organizations at UI Tippie College of Business, notes that prior research only considered work-related factors influencing abusive supervision. This is the first time the link between family problems and managerial issues has been discussed and studied directly. The study won the Rosabeth Moss Kanter Award 2017 from the Boston College Center for Work and Family, which recognizes exceptional research on work and family issues.

Source: https://now.uiowa.edu/2017/11/when-boss-brings-family-problems-office